Jump From One Relationship To Another
Jumping from one relationship to another is a common practice. They call it liana syndrome and, indeed, it is very well depicted with the image of Tarzan: he does not finish releasing a liana when he already has the other in his hand. What does Tarzan and who have liana syndrome want? Obvious: do not fall.
Most psychologists agree that jumping from one relationship to another is not a good idea. As in everything human, there are always exceptions. However, it is usually a behavior that speaks of difficulties with oneself, dependencies and desires to escape.
It is true that our time values and references are much more changeable than in others. Circumstances change at a higher speed and the notion of time has also been transformed. But from there to jumping from one relationship to another there is a great chasm.
Sometimes it can happen naturally and healthy, but if it’s a habit , it would probably be good to research what’s going on.
Jump from one relationship to another
Nobody wants to fall. When we have a meaningful relationship, it is clear that breaking up causes us some degree of pain. And if it does not generate it, it is likely that it was not a significant relationship. As we are in a time when it is “mandatory” to be happy, the grief that follows a breakup is a process that many people refuse to go through.
It is then assumed that the appropriate thing is to find a “replacement” for the ex-partner quickly and efficiently: there is a void, “perfect for someone else to fill”. Many people claim to have made this exchange successfully. Actually, there is nothing curious about it. Consciously or unconsciously, they are willing to see a potential mate in almost anyone they meet.
It is also common for the new relationship to shine brightly in the beginning. With the previous partner, who did not like to travel, you could never understand each other in that field. On the other hand, the new couple fit in from the first minute and in a month you have already made two trips. Why does this happen?
The unconscious links
When leaving a significant relationship, not always your heart – emotional part – and your unconscious find out. They have their own rhythms, their own processes, and they move on. You don’t cut an imaginary one overnight. You don’t give up your plans, your dreams, and your shared expectations like someone who changes clothes.
Perhaps without realizing it, or only partially realizing it, you are going to try to write the next page of the story with your ex. What you are trying to do is change the name of the protagonist for a series that continues with the same script. In addition, sometimes you will want, but without achieving it, to continue with the same plot. A new relationship would be something like one more episode of the same novel.
However, it is a wrong path. Hopefully, you could prolong that situation for a while: living the same logic with someone in a foreign body. In any case, you will most likely end up boycotting the relationship, with your unconscious feelings and expectations.
Suddenly you feel more jealous because your ex cheated on you. Or maybe someone seems very attractive to you because they are totally different from that person. The point is that your previous relationship ends up being your main point of reference.
Live the duel
Nobody wants to fall. Still, falling is part of the cycles of a cyclical life . Whether we like it or not, loving always means managing a certain amount of dissatisfaction. This becomes more palpable at the time of separation. It is the price of loving. And even if we intend to leave without paying the bill, that debt will be attached to our shadow and will continue to travel with us, waiting to be paid.
What is to be expected is that jumping from one relationship to another will lead us to a chain of disappointments. We may end up being cynical and screaming loudly that love doesn’t exist. Or, perhaps, we become numb and let the ball roll, not caring much about whether it makes us happy or not. Either way, sooner or later we will have to manage the fear of loneliness and conquer our autonomy to love from that place.
The worst thing is that we may ruin relationships that were really worth it simply by closing our eyes. The desire to avoid grief invites deception. The obsessive need to have a partner prevents us from learning from every relationship, letting everything flow when it should.
