Beauty Is Being Good With Yourself
There is no better attraction than what it feels like to be good with yourself. There is no better satisfaction than that obtained after having navigated in the waters of self-knowledge to discover worth, strengths and needs. Only then do we make the best decisions, those with which we feel free, fulfilled and endowed with that particular beauty that makes us unique, authentic.
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us in his books that there is no person more beautiful than one who always acts in connection with himself. That which does not seek to be accepted by others but validated and welcomed by one’s own heart, by the very essence that defines us. However, we could say, almost without fear of being wrong, that there are many who look in the mirror every day without meeting.
It’s almost like a strange spell. We only appreciate ourselves when others validate us, when others give us positive reinforcement with their words, gestures, comments and acknowledgments. If this does not happen or does not happen too often, we fall into the abyss of invisibility, of non-presence, of that self-esteem that is progressively fraying.
On the other hand, the Korean philosopher Byung-Chul Han points out in his works that we are “burning” in the hell of the same. In his book The Expulsion of the Different , he invites us to reflect on this same idea. We are losing the ability to value the uniqueness of each one, what makes us unique and exceptional, that brand of identity that we should preserve before satisfying other desires.
Being good with yourself, the art of true attractiveness
Being good with yourself takes time, but when you achieve it everything changes and the same mass seems to have less weight. The burdens of conventions are left behind, like those chains that we often placed on our minds, hearts and feet in our quest to look good to everyone, not to disappoint, to be as others expected.
When that peak of personal development is reached, the one in which Maslow placed self-realization, the world is seen differently. There is a greater perspective to understand things, in addition to a calm inside with which to move through our reality with greater wisdom, resolution and freedom. In the eyes of others, all these virtues are undoubtedly as attractive as they are desirable.
However, and returning once again to the theories of Byung-Chul Han, there is one aspect that we must take into account. Sometimes we perceive ourselves as fully realized people, we believe we have everything because we have climbed to that golden peak that society itself has marked us. However, at some point or other we will realize a small aspect: we are not located on a peak, but in an abyss.
Our consumer society and even our education guide us towards that material and aligned success that has nothing to do with personal fulfillment. Because to be good with yourself you must conquer other territories, other more invisible scenarios and for which we do not always have the best tools.
We speak, of course, of dimensions such as self-knowledge, self-esteem, self-love, assertiveness, the ability to achieve, emotional independence …
3 steps to be good with yourself
According to a study carried out by Ulrich Orth and Ruth Yasemin Erol from the University of Berlin, people achieve a higher level of self-esteem at older ages, and more specifically in the 1960s. Why don’t we reach this dimension sooner? Why during our youth and early maturity we do not develop this essential muscle of our personal development?
There are undoubtedly many factors, however, beyond those constraints that limit us and that can prevent us from being well with yourself, there is the need to make changes. To be proactive to work on this exceptional psychological tendon that is self-esteem and personal fulfillment. Let’s see therefore 3 steps .
Improve your attribution style
Attribution style has to do with how we relate to our experienced achievements or failures. When I get something, is it because others have helped me or because I have tried hard enough? We must take control of our reality and for this we must recognize our own worth, skills and abilities.
Each success or mistake made depends only on the person himself. Therefore, one way to be good with ourselves is to be able to recognize what we are worth, what we can achieve, where our strengths are and also our limitations.
The only voice we should hear is within us
Our world is inhabited by hundreds, thousands of voices. There are those of our family, our teachers, bosses, co-workers, friends, partners, the voices of social networks, fashions, the voices of the supposed experts and gurus of politics, personal growth …
Among all those sounds there is one that is often silenced: our own voice. Let’s dedicate a part of our energy to turning off all that environmental noise from time to time to listen to ourselves, to take ourselves into account and understand our needs.
Make your passions your way of life
To be good with yourself follow your passions. Do not get carried away by other people’s tastes or advice, tune into your identity and make your preferences, identity and essence your way of life. If we orient our day to day towards that path that is more with us, we will feel not only more satisfied, but also more fulfilled in every way.
People with this kind of courage, with that ability to blaze their own trails no matter what other people say, they are always more attractive to us. Because there is no beauty more dazzling than that of someone who puts aside the conventions to be oneself at any time and circumstance.
