Working On Child Jealousy: What Can Happen If It Is Not Done?

Once upon a time there was a child who felt like the center of the universe. All of his parents’ attention was directed to him… and only to him. However, one fine day, the little boy received what was not good news for him: he had a younger brother. He was not amused at all. Fortunately, his parents soon learned that they had to work on childhood jealousy with their oldest son as soon as possible or the problem would escalate.

Unfortunately, after a while, the parents were overwhelmed by the problem and the child’s jealousy became chronic and even increased. For this reason, the little boy’s relationship with his brother got worse and, little by little, the whole family was overwhelmed by the situation.

Does the problem sound familiar to you? In this case, we have approached it as if it were a kind of story. However, this is a situation that occurs more often than we think and that is capable of generating a good dose of suffering. And not just because of the arrival of a younger brother. The reasons that cause childhood jealousy can be very varied.

So how should we act? Childish jealousy may or may not be justified, but it is there and it is real. Therefore, the first thing, to prevent them from appearing, what we could do is do a good job of prevention. Then, observe the causes, to analyze the symptoms and, finally, if we have reached this point, that the specialist prescribes the appropriate intervention. However, before going into how to work childhood jealousy, let’s try to better understand what it is and how it occurs.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is defined as a subjective state that causes a feeling of frustration. It is due to the belief that an individual is not emotionally reciprocated by those who love him, as in the case of parents, siblings, partners, relatives … They even occur in pets. Sometimes it is interpreted that the lack of correspondence is not such, only the intensity and the frequency that is desired or needed is missing.

Jealousy may not be justified: the child may continue to receive the same attention as before, even more than his brother. However, in the mind of the person who suffers, there is suffering that is real. This could be due to a clinical disorder requiring specialized care.

In the case of children, the individual could be suffering from feelings of envy and resentment. Be that as it may, it is still a cognitive distortion that, ultimately, could have future consequences.

Jealousy to siblings

It is a very common cause in children. They are generally produced by environmental and evolutionary factors and may be relevant. The factors could be genetic, which predisposes the child and can have consequences in his adult life in the future.

Evolutionary jealousy

They depend on the evolutionary moment of the child. At an early age, between 2 and 5 years old, we find the most critical moment if a younger brother arrives, since, if he is born during the attachment phase, the situation becomes especially sensitive.

Paternal characteristics

Also the educational style of the parents or caregivers, as well as the family climate that the child has at home, become important factors to consider in the evolution and development of children and their reaction to jealousy.

Environmental factors

Another key point. It depends on the child’s environment, and not just on his family environment. Their own experiences, their ability to socialize, their tolerance, possible emotional deficiencies. .. Everything influences this case.

Symptoms

There are various indicators that can show us that we are dealing with a jealous or jealous child, be they founded or unfounded. Let’s see the most common:

• Mood swings that are not justified.
• Signs of unhappiness such as unmotivated crying.
• Appearance of new behaviors such as pee in bed or lack of appetite.
• Changes in gestural and verbal expression.
• Negative attitude, stubborn and with difficulties to obey.
• Systematic denial of one’s own mistakes and tendency to blame others.

Strategies to work childhood jealousy

When working on childhood jealousy, we have to consider various strategies that may be useful. So, let’s see the most important points when it comes to working on childhood jealousy:

• Analyze the origin of jealousy : you have to know the child and his circumstances well. Knowing the origin of jealousy, we can act accordingly.
• Involvement of all actors : once jealousy has been identified, the pattern to be followed will be set and must be followed by the people who interact with the child, such as family members, educators, etc.
• Avoid preferential treatment : if there are several children in the family, we will avoid preferential treatment for any of them.
• Positive reinforcement : we will use positive reinforcement by highlighting the successes and not placing too much emphasis on the negatives.
• Withdrawal of attention from jealous behaviors : that is, in front of tantrums, willful disobedience, etc.
• Reinforcement of family activities and group games.
• Calm reaction : it is important to react calmly to the episodes of jealousy. We will avoid shrillness and recriminations as much as possible.

• Remembering the privileges : when the child sees everything negative, we will remember the usefulness of the situation. For example, if it is jealousy towards the younger brother, we will talk about the advantages, such as playing time together, etc.

Working on childhood jealousy is important since, as we have said, it continues to be a source of suffering and a source of erosion for interpersonal relationships.

If the situation gets out of hand, we will do well to go to a professional for an evaluation and, based on it, schedule the best intervention.