Why Do Some People Find It Difficult To Ask For Help?
Everyone at some point goes through difficult times or simply circumstances in which we need someone close to help us. However, even in this context, there are people who find it difficult to ask for help. This difficulty, which can be motivated by different reasons, blocks our path and prevents us from moving forward.
There are many people who find it difficult to ask for help ; for them it is a sign of weakness, they lack the necessary social skills to do so, they do not know who to turn to …
Thus, they end up facing all difficulties autonomously, sometimes even preferring to fail to request help. Among the reasons why it can be so difficult for a person to ask for help are:
Wrong beliefs
Many people think that we shouldn’t waste others’ time helping or listening to us, or that they will have better things to do than help us.
This is a very popular belief that alienates us from others and from seeking their support.
Lack of assertiveness
Within the assertive rights is the right to ask for help being aware that others can provide it, or not.
Being assertive is nothing more than defending your own needs, communicating what you believe, think or need clearly and openly.
Low self-esteem
In relation to the above, not being able to ask for help is related to low self-esteem, since it underestimates and omits one’s own needs, putting those of others first.
Low self-esteem is found under high levels of self-demand and self-improvement. Therefore, asking for the assistance of other people will only be interpreted as a confirmation of inferiority or weakness.
Disclaimer
Another possible reason is to think that if we are wrong, it is others who should offer their help if they wish. It is common to see that people who find it difficult to ask for help attribute responsibility to others, making them somewhat guilty of not providing it.
Pride
Closely related to the previous point, pride is one of the main causes for not asking for help. It is very satisfying to do something for yourself, to improve yourself, to validate yourself, but this is a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, due to pride they may blame others for the lack of help, in addition to failing in the task. On the other hand, overcoming an obstacle or a task is more focused on demonstrating one’s own abilities to others than on personal satisfaction for having done something.
Negative experiences
It may be that the person asked for help without success, on one or more occasions before. This, especially if it is related to the previous reasons, will make the person generalize this experience and not trust in later occasions.
Fear of rejection
In addition, a great reason not to ask for help is to be afraid of being rejected, that others will not or may not provide it.
This, instead of denying the right to ask for help, denies the right of others to say no. Thus, the person is unsympathetic and insecure about the possible refusal.
How to ask for help?
In the event that difficulties are encountered, a formula for asking for help that may be helpful is the following:
- State the problem you have and what need it generates.
- Express yourself with confidence : just as it is true that you do not have the right to demand the help, you do have the right to file the request.
- Trust the other, their good intentions and that they will be honest, expressing in an open way if they can help us or not.
- Be generous, appreciate the help or the intention, even if the help is not effective in solving the problem. And, of course, understand the reasons.
Those who find it difficult to ask for help end up feeling lonely, people tend to move away, they do not really know them and end up in enormous frustration.
Therefore, it is important to realize that asking for help is within our rights, and surely, apart from being useful for oneself, it makes the people around us happy.
