When The Veil Falls And Love Disappears

Most relationships are characterized because, eventually, love disappears. This can be translated in different ways. Among them, because it really was not a relationship that should continue, or because the infatuation has not evolved at the same time that the relationship has.

Like a video game, love is dynamic and goes through different phases. In each of them there are a series of objectives that prepare us for the next one and, logically, to reach the great final phase. Thus, there is one of those phases in which the couple is de-idealized. That of seeing the other as a perfect person above all else, is over. That moment is crucial, it depends on how that desidealization is managed, love can be strengthened and be more prepared for what comes. At other times, it can mean the end of love.

Stages of love

To understand the process through which there comes a time when, suddenly, it is discovered that the couple is not that ideal being, it is necessary to recapitulate the phases that love goes through.

Experts speak of 5 phases :

• Falling in love : in this high stage of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and hormones in general, the projection of all dreams and ideals in the other person takes place. The couple is placed on an imaginary pedestal and has full hope that, with it, all wishes will be fulfilled. Everything feels true, safe and timeless.
• Consolidation : after love madness, calm arrives. The relationship settles down and the love deepens. It may be that at this time coexistence comes, and individual life expands to make way for a common life. It is the moment to feel really connected, protected, and is enjoyed thinking that this is the zenith of the relationship.

• Deidealization : this point, as stated above, is a turning point in the relationship. The defects, which were previously there but were not paid attention to, are beginning to take center stage. It begins to bother things that it did not before, the feeling of being cared for and loved begins to diminish. It can even invade a feeling of lack of freedom, irritability and doubts about whether you want to continue. Where is everything that was before?
• Real love : if love does not disappear and the previous phase is overcome, they will have faced those monsters that seemed to be an obstacle, and they will have won. It is then when you learn to fight as allies and to understand each other. It is accepted that the other is not the idea that was had in the head, but someone real, with its defects, but above all with its virtues.

• Deep love : one step further, the relationship will have grown into something solid, full of trust, understanding and companionship. The complicity that has been created will be the strongest possible base to achieve everything that is proposed.

What to do when the veil falls?

In the desidealization stage, the veil that one had when looking at the other falls. That’s when you have to act before dissatisfaction builds up. If this happens, the love disappears, and with it, the relationship. At this point it is crucial to make a decision about whether it is best to throw in the towel or fight for it. In addition, it is a perfect opportunity to start loving the other, appreciating him in every way, generating a genuine friendship and greater dedication.

When the veil falls, it is essential to take it patiently, generously and, above all, tolerant. And why not a little sense of humor too?

At this stage it is necessary to know what the specific difficulties are and understand that, if it escapes the control of the members, it may be time to ask for help. You have to make use of negotiation and communication, speak calmly and raise empathy to the maximum. Each one has to learn to convey their needs, frustrations, even to communicate what it is that they do not like. But above all, listen to the other and put yourself in their place.

We must also take advantage of the fact that passion and positive feelings are not far away, a possible way out is to remember and encourage those things that do unite the two. Make the strengths of the relationship the pillars on which to build a deeper alliance.

Ultimately, it is about learning to walk together and overcome differences. Love may disappear in this phase or simply not have been treated as it should.