When Love Turns Into Suffering

We know that love does not always bring us the happiness that we dreamed of at the beginning. Suffering is sometimes the reverse of that coin that ends up making us pay for the high height of our illusions. Because when love is transformed into suffering it is as if it disappears. There is only pain, tears, anguish, disappointment … Is there really love when you suffer from this feeling?

There is no emotion more intense than love. It is capable of bringing out the best in ourselves, of joining us in a common project: a life plan and personal security where we can be strengthened and even fulfilled. But at the same time, this feeling has the capacity to make us enormously vulnerable.

Sometimes we lose the ability to control, the world turns upside down and our inner compass deviates slightly from that “inner north” that we must all maintain. That which marks our balance. Our will. The pillar of our self-esteem and the one that defines who we are.

When love turns into suffering it is not always easy to see it, we know it. But it is worth not forgetting that one of the personal purposes that we must have each day when we wake up is, simply, to be happy. Maintain a simple illusion and the satisfaction of being who we are. If at some point we lose any of these dimensions, we must know how to react. It’s worth it; Hence, today we want to point out some of those aspects that end up bringing suffering to our relationship as a couple.

1. Say “no” to emotional dependency

Emotional dependence is one of the biggest risks we can fall into. It is clear that to love someone is to place that person at the center of that personal universe of each one. But do not become that “satellite” that is dedicated solely to circling around it.

Don’t let your happiness always reside in that person’s pocket. Emotional dependence is an unhealthy type of attachment, which will gradually erode our individuality, our self-concept and even our self-esteem. This dimension causes us to fix our whole being and our expectations on the other person, forgetting even ourselves.

A healthy love is not dependent, but allows personal spaces where each one can continue to develop as a person. There where there is trust and respect, as well as a common project where both, with maturity and responsibility, join forces in common. When love turns into suffering, perhaps it is that we no longer love, but we depend.

2. Set limits on emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail clearly derives from the dependency defined above. From the moment that the other person understands that he / she is the center of our universe, and that we do not conceive more happiness than being with him / her, our partner understands that he / she has a clear power.

This power will allow him to manipulate us to achieve his goals, and, in turn, to keep us even more tied to his person. Never forget that emotional blackmail is a type of abuse, a type of domination and humiliation before which, we can be very emotionally incapacitated.

3. Give everything without receiving anything in return

You may be one of those who think that in love, we should give everything without receiving anything in return. Watch out. In this life everything requires its right balance. If we give everything we will run the risk of being left empty, and above all, the possibility that a day will come when we realize that we have never been recognized or valued. And even respected. It will be the moment when suffering emerges as well as frustration.

To love is to give and to receive, it is to create between two, it is to contribute strength, energy and hope in a relationship where both members count to form a good “team”. When love is transformed into suffering, there is no such thing. Someone gives, but another only receives and most likely one of the factors mentioned above are present.

4. A common project

If there is no future project in the couple, the pillar of this relationship is sustained on quicksand. We will live a day to day marked by uncertainty and doubt. The couple needs short-term and long-term goals, those that bring hope and hope to build the book of our life at every moment.

But we must be careful. Sometimes they can tell us about projects, elaborate great illusions that, in essence, are nothing more than false castles in the air. We must be careful that these dreams do not actually hide the falsehood of who speaks to us, and who tells us that he loves us. There is no greater suffering also than realizing that we have been deceived or manipulated.

Sincerity can be seen in small everyday details. In sincere efforts and in real concerns. We know that sometimes it is difficult, that finding a sincere, altruistic and committed love is not easy. But there is always a suitable person for each one, it will not be the ideal partner, but the one capable of inspiring us and bringing us true happiness.

Image Courtesy: Martinakis.