The Wounds Left By Infidelity, The Pain Beyond Betrayal

The reasons why a person betrays their partner are multiple, and often unjustifiable. Now, the wounds that infidelity leaves is a subject in which psychology has been interested for a long time. We cannot ignore the emotional impact that something like this generates, as well as the way in which these experiences can alter the quality of life of those who suffer it.

One becomes, for example, more distrustful. The weight of betrayal that is not handled properly can also affect the people we love the most, family, friends and even the children themselves.

It must be considered that this type of reality constitutes for many a type of trauma, an emotional aggression where essential pillars for the human being are violated, such as commitment and trust.

Regarding its etiology, the term unfaithful means “to betray the faith” and that is precisely what hurts the most to those who suffer from it. Now, that pain usually leaves different types of emotional imprints, of psychological injuries that it is necessary to know. Taking them into account can help those who go through these circumstances to handle suffering a little better by knowing their triggers.

The types of wounds infidelity leaves

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist expert in relationships, points out that there are a series of triggers that can alert us to the risk of infidelity.

Factors such as not taking into account the needs of the other, lack of support, criticism or lack of commitment can pave the way for betrayal to emerge at any given time.

However, it should be noted that, perhaps, Dr. Gottman was not entirely exhaustive in listing these triggers. While it is true that deceptions are usually a breeding ground when there is a problem or lack in the relationship itself, this formula is not always fulfilled.

Often times, even happy couples play cheating, too. There is no shortage of those who assure that they are satisfied in their relationship, but still admit to maintaining a parallel relationship.

There are those who know a third person and an authentic love arises almost without wanting to. There are also narcissists, those who betray because they can and because they want to, those who take advantage of the opportunity and those for whom the simple act of transgressing gives them power.

Now, beyond the why, there is the effect it causes. The wounds that infidelity leaves arise as a result of a series of processes, of dimensions that are worth knowing. Let’s go deeper.

The pain of the who, an attack on self-esteem

The second question that the person who suffers an affective betrayal asks is “who has it been with?” The first is obviously “why.” But beyond the cause, something that generates all kinds of dilemmas, suffering and anguish is understanding what that person has that we do not have ourselves.

Knowing that you are someone close, a stranger, someone brighter, more attractive, with a certain job or lifestyle generates immense mental and emotional wear.

The time factor: how long have I been deceived

Another of the wounds that infidelity leaves is the fact of discovering how long the infidelity has lasted. We could say how important it is if at the end of the day a betrayal is a betrayal; however, it is an often decisive element.

Finding out that our partner has cheated on us with someone on time just once hurts and can be devastating, no question. However, there are those who may find out that the loved one has been secretly maintaining a parallel relationship for years. In this case, there is not only pain, there is bewilderment and even a certain feeling of anger opens towards oneself for not having perceived it.

Wounds left by infidelity: the lies we took for true Who have I been living with?

The infidel is obliged to graduate in the art of lying so that his romantic theater is maintained. There are those who do it better and there are those who do it worse. There are them tremendously skilled in these tasks; so much so that they manage to create the role of the perfect couple while behind the scenes, they are the perfect lover.

In this way, another of the wounds that infidelity leaves is the absolute bewilderment for not knowing who that person with whom we shared time, life and projects really was. When lies fall and are discovered, not only does pain and anger emerge, anger towards ourselves also arises for having given truth to so many gestures, words and wills.

When infidelity was just a way out of the relationship: the pain of cowardice

There are people who do not know how to say goodbye, who have stopped loving months, maybe years. However, they feel unable to speak honestly and think that it is easier to pretend, to avoid hurting with words, but to end up hurting with the covert act, with deception.

Thus, another of the wounds that infidelity leaves is the weight of the cowardice of the other, of that person who made us believe what he was not when love no longer existed. Betrayal, therefore, is a way out of one’s relationship, an immature way that sadly, both men and women carry out.

To conclude, while it is true that the wounds of infidelity are often very deep, we are forced to recover. Nobody comes out of these trances unscathed, it is evident, but healing is not only possible, it is mandatory. Doing so requires time and large doses of self-esteem to rebuild so many broken fragments, so many voids left by lies.

However, it is achieved. Time and commitment to ourselves will be our allies.