The Economy Of Stroking

The psychotherapist Claude Steiner, developed a theory called The economy of caresses, where he shows the effects that it produces in the human being, growing, developing and living, depending on the abundance or scarcity of affective signs.

Life is an exchange of stimuli. Our way of interpreting the world and giving meaning to life is shaped not only on the basis of economic, labor and social concepts. Looks, gestures, screams, silences, caresses, words, make up our life. Perhaps the sensation of living in an emotional, intellectual and sensory void is terribly more excruciating than pain.

Petting and child development

Today, scientific research shows that the absence of caresses in the broadest sense, causes a delay in the development of the newborn, even leading to death despite guaranteeing correct nutrition and hygiene for their survival.

This powerful and serious statement should make our way of transmitting affection to children radically change. Because many parents, due to work and their multiple responsibilities, neglect the power that strokes have for the healthy development of their children.

We know that a good part of the psychological illnesses of the West, have as main cause the absence of love : depression, neurosis, anxiety are generated in some way by this lack, Steiner assured that caresses were essential to survive.

The danger of lacking caresses

If we lack caresses, physical contact, an internal mechanism would be willing to achieve them at any price, concludes this specialist, even accepting negative caresses, at the idea of ​​not receiving any. What does this mean? That we are an easy target to end up falling into harmful relationships, in which we will endure even the unimaginable by receiving a minimum dose of affection.

Faulkner has already written:  we prefer pain to nothing, the slap to ignorance, grief to emptiness, contempt to indifference, the cry to apathy. We should not forget that we are born men and women but we become human thanks to caresses, tenderness, compassion, affection.

So what can we do to fix this? How to convey affection to children in a healthy and positive way for them? Here we will leave some tips that it would be interesting for us to put into practice as soon as possible:

• Provide quality time : do you read with your children? When you are with them, are you with them or are you distracted with your mobile and are you thinking about your things? Play with the children, enjoy with them … Many people do not want to enter these “childhood games” because they do not have time for “those things”. Bring out the child in you. You will appreciate it and your children, too.
• You can give affection in many ways : giving quality time is one way of giving affection, but it is also a way to mention how well you have tied your shoes, that six that you have obtained in math or how hard you are trying in your after-school activity . Mention the good, put it in words, it is necessary.
• Do not yell , communicate : there is no use yelling at a child, this will only instill fear and fear. It is much better to stand up to talk about something you have done that is not right. Let them see it, worry that they understand it, give them a hug and let them know that we will be by their side to teach them those things that they do not yet know and that, therefore, sometimes they do not do the way they should be done.

How has your childhood been? Have you received caresses or did your parents show you no affection? Sometimes, if we have lived in these circumstances, we can repeat the same thing or go to the other extreme, giving too much affection to children by overprotecting them and making them dependent on us. In balance is the key. But, above all, in the fact of showing them our love, not in assuming that they already know that we love them very much …