Reciprocity, One Of The Foundations Of Our Relationships

We live in a society where we tend to measure everything we give and also what it seems fair to receive based on what we have given. We spend a lot of time valuing what others give us back in exchange for our dedication. We have turned reciprocity into a bargaining chip.

And this will probably make us suffer, since we will often find that  we receive less than we think we give, something that can cause us to feel unfairly treated and dissatisfied with interpersonal relationships. Reciprocity is not suffering if you discover the great potential it has to allow us to enjoy relationships, as well as our dedication to others.

Expect from others

We tend to expect from others, at least, the same as we have given them: this brings us suffering, since we rarely feel reciprocated. We will feel frustration or that they use us, since they have not known how to give us back as much as we expected from them.

The fact expect something from others, often in a certain way and manner, and not see fulfilled our expectations can be a hard disappointment. It can make us rethink the fact of continuing to give and begin to look favorably on the alternative of being more conservative.

Pleasing others

On many occasions, what motivates us to give something to others is an interest in their well-being. We want them to be well, that they do not lack anything, etc … In principle, we could say that we do not want anything else, that we do not seek anything else.

However, in those situations in which we feel bad or need support, when we perceive this lack of response, we feel even sadder. Now, when we need a hand, nobody is willing to give it to us when we, previously, have not hesitated to do so. In this way, we begin to think that what we get is independent of what we offer.

Need for valuation

On many occasions, although we are not aware, in the  background of many of the behaviors with which we try to please is the need to receive. We give, almost desperately, because we also need.

In some subconscious way, we believe that “if we look for others, they will end up looking for us”   and this is a mistaken belief that will lead us to suffering and conflict in interpersonal relationships.  Since, we have verified a thousand times that this is not the case, although we are convinced that “it should be this way” and for that reason we suffer.

It is much healthier to look for yourself, without expecting anything from others;  therefore, without pretending to please to achieve it. Of course, this does not mean that we will not look for others, we will do it if we want to, but avoiding putting as a condition in our mind to receive something in return.

Thus, the satisfaction of giving to others will become the only reason to do so and the main engine of reciprocity, which will continue to act but no longer be a torture for us when it is not fulfilled or is fulfilled in a way other than wing we think.

I have the right to reciprocity

I have the right to reciprocity, it means, allowing me to receive what others want to give me, enjoying it. If we do not expect anything from anyone, gratitude and satisfaction will be maximum.

In this way, we understand that Reciprocity is an act of freedom, and that it is up to each person to decide what they want to give, when and how. And only from Respect towards the decisions of others can we fully enjoy the benefits of Reciprocity.

Each one decides

Each person decides whether to give something or do something for others ; If this is so, no one owes anything to anyone, since we are free and we do not have the obligation to reciprocate, nor do they have it with us.

In this way, we will stop measuring what others give us, because it is only part of their decision, and they have no obligation to give us, even if we have already done it with them. In the same way, we will stop feeling obliged or indebted to return what was given to us.

The balance of interpersonal relationships

When we respect the decisions of others, we discover another way of understanding relationships. However, it is very likely that we receive a lot from people we did not expect and probably, these people will not be the same people to whom we gave or contributed something.

This is the balance of interpersonal relationships, which makes them exist naturally, at the same time that they surprise us at every moment where we did not expect anything and we received a lot. Thus, reciprocity becomes an instrument of spontaneous exchange, satisfaction and gratitude.

With reciprocity, well understood, we will feel freer and more owners of our own decisions, accepting and thanking what others want to give us. By understanding reciprocity in this way, we will be allowing ourselves to enjoy relationships and all that we are capable of giving in them.