Moonwalking: Criticize You And Then Blame You For Your Reaction

Moonwalking is a sophisticated, but effective psychological abuse technique that shares the  same purpose with gaslighting : to wear down the other. It consists of criticizing some aspect of the couple, getting them to lose their cool, and then accusing or ridiculing them for their reaction. It’s hitting emotionally, waiting to see the answer, and then belittling the pain.

The therapists and psychologists who have most investigated the effects of criticism on affective relationships were undoubtedly Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They do not censor our right to make a complaint to the other. However, when this is expressed in an accusatory way and with a desire to harm the other, the complaint turns into criticism.

Behind the person who constantly resorts to criticism and weaves a web with which to trap the couple in confusion and suffering, there is usually an abusive personality. The first cousin of criticism is contempt and, in general, both dimensions appear together, forming an effective abuse resource.

Let us therefore know what this striking mechanism of mental abuse consists of.

Moonwalking, what does it consist of?

It is true that in recent years Anglo-Saxon terminologies for labeling behaviors have not stopped emerging. Thus, and as we always point out, these resources are useful to us because they help us to designate complex realities in a simple way. When it comes to moonwalking , it should be noted that it was last year that psychologist and writer, Viky Stark, an expert on relationships, coined this term in an article in Psychology Today .

He used this word in reference to Michael Jackson’s famous dance : taking a few steps and then going backwards. In a way, this is what this type of psychological abuser carries out. Criticize the partner (move forward), wait for their reaction, and then downplay what was said (go back) to humiliate them.

In many cases, this psychological manipulation mechanism starts from the joke, from that harmful sarcasm with which to violate the couple’s self-esteem. An example of this would be to say to the other something like “you are as clumsy as a six-year-old child, sometimes I have the feeling of being with someone from kindergarten” . After this, and seeing the reaction of the other person, they are interrupted to say: “Look how you get for a simple joke!”

The moonwalking is a way of using criticism  to make a person feel rejected, hurt and underappreciated. Let’s see what mechanisms it uses.

The resources of moonwalking

In every relationship, disagreements, conflicts and disagreements arise from time to time. However, all of this is part of the normal and even healthy tissue of a relationship; because you can learn from these situations. Furthermore, many are even strengthened by getting to know each other better, by acquiring new skills and resources to move forward together.

Now, those who refine the art of moonwalking do not seek to build in order to advance. What you seek is to create an emotionally draining environment to weaken the other and have them under control. It is a game of forces. To do this, he uses very sophisticated psychological resources:

• First, they launch very specific criticisms of facts and dimensions that they know will hurt. If the couple has been working hard for a promotion for a long time, that will be their point of view. If the other person is worried about a family member or friend, they will be blamed in some way.

After launching the criticism, they wait patiently for the reaction of the other. That will be the moment when the second phase of moonwalking will unfold :

• They will tell us that we are too sensitive, that we oversize everything.
• They will hesitate to point out also that we take everything out of context.

• Likewise, and as we have already pointed out, it is common for them to comment that “I was only joking”.
• They also often point out that we have misinterpreted it and that this is a very our custom, to think things that are not.
• Last, and no less common, there are many who rebuke the other with the classic: “look at you, you’re already exaggerating everything again, you’re paranoid.”

Continued criticism affects our physical and psychological health

The moonwalking is based on the continued exercise of criticism and his faithful companion, contempt. The effects of this form of psychological abuse are immense. We have, for example, studies such as those carried out at the University of Pennsylvania in which they point out something important to us. Continued criticism is especially harmful to people who already have an anxiety disorder.

In this situation, it is very easy to drift into a depressed state. On the other hand, research works such as those carried out by the social psychologist Robert Alan Baron show us that this dimension affects our concentration, the ability to perform at work and even the motivation to relate to our environment.

Abuse has many forms, languages, mechanisms, and strategies. Not all pain comes from the physical blow, the yelling or the insult. Often, they resort to attrition, the sibylline attack, contempt camouflaged in sarcasm and criticism that undermines resistance. Emotional snipers exist and seek above all to weaken in order to dominate.

Let us react in time, defend ourselves and distance ourselves from those who want us badly, from those who market with our self-esteem and psychological balance.