Learn To Relativize To Be Happier
Do you remember the physical trait that made you complex during your adolescence and that today seems totally irrelevant? Do you remember that event that, at the time, seemed catastrophic and is currently only a vague, unimportant memory? We often need the passage of time to soften the emotional intensity of events. But how much suffering would knowing how to do it in the present save us? Learn to relativize and you will be much happier.
This is a reality that you have experienced for yourself on numerous occasions. Those who suffer or have suffered from a serious illness have understood, the hard way, that much of what concerns us is really insignificant. And it is that an argument with the couple, a mistake at work or a mischief of our children are issues that pale before an impact of such magnitude.
Why wait for a setback in life to show us what is truly valuable? Why not learn to manage that mind that makes mountains of grains of sand? To relativize is to take your attention away from that stone on the road and look up at the majestic landscape that surrounds it. But why does it cost us so much and how can we achieve it?
Why is it difficult for you to relativize?
The brain is designed to ensure your survival, not to make you happy. For this reason, it is much easier for you to identify difficulties and setbacks than to detect opportunities and blessings. Human beings have a natural inclination to focus on what is wrong and take what is right for granted. It is enough to verify that only one of the four basic emotions is related to positive affects.
Thus, when our incessant radar detects a mishap, it focuses all our mental energy in that direction. A stain on the clothes or on the tablecloth, an unfortunate comment from our partner or that friend who cancels a plan are enough to keep us in a bad mood all day. How can we counteract this trend?
Learn to relativize to be happier
Surely you are already aware that this happens and you would like to avoid it. However, it is complex to change the way we have been thinking, reacting and acting for years. Here are some keys that can help you achieve it.
10-10-10 method
This technique was devised by Suzy Welch, an economic journalist, to make difficult decisions easier. However, it can also help us to learn to relativize. So, in the face of any event that upsets you, ask yourself: how will this affect me in 10 minutes? And in 10 months? And in 10 years? This simple exercise gives us an interesting perspective and helps us to contemplate the real importance of an event.
That your child drops a glass and it breaks will hardly matter in 10 minutes, much less later. Is this worth getting angry, yelling at, or starting a conflict over? If you forget to turn in a project on time at work, it can have negative consequences. But how relevant will this be in 10 years? To what extent, then, is it necessary for you to torture yourself for this mistake? Learn to relativize.
Take care instead of worrying
It is true that the mind has a certain predilection for problems, but in order to solve them. Many times we are the ones who magnify the importance of an event by thinking too much before deciding to take action.
Can you remedy what happened? So, do it: change your stained shirt, pick up the broken glass from the floor, or talk to your partner to make amends. You can not do anything? So why worry if it is not in your hands? Feel, yes, but manage those feelings; don’t get caught up in them.
Learn to relativize by applying positive psychology
Positive psychology deals with promoting and enhancing the strengths of the human being that bring them closer to happiness and self-realization. And many of these qualities are great allies in learning to relativize: gratitude, forgiveness or optimism put us in a calm and peaceful state of mind. They are excellent tools to begin to focus on the positive and approach difficulties with temperance and resilience. Practice them every day and you will notice the changes.
Decide to be happy
Our happiness is, after all, the result of the decisions we make every day. In each circumstance we can choose how to interpret it, what to think about it and, therefore, how to feel. Events have the importance that you want to give them, change your scale of measurement and your life will change.
