Knowing How To React Will Always Be Better Than Getting Carried Away

Knowing how to react to what happens to us will always be better than letting ourselves be carried away by what happens to us. It is true that we are not always prepared for the ups and downs of fate, for those unforeseen events that break our balance from one day to the next. However, in the midst of so much uncertainty it is appropriate to have some sense of control, at least over yourself.

Albert Ellis, a pioneer of rational emotional-behavioral therapy, used to say that what is truly important is not what happens to us, it is what we interpret about what happens to us. It is true, the cognitive plane is key in these circumstances and what we think determines us. But let’s face it, sometimes things happen to us that we hardly have time to think about, just to feel the impact.

Suffering is part of life, therefore it is understandable and normal to be trapped by emotions for a certain time. Later, it will be time to react and deploy those strategies that Ellis told us about, in which thoughts, emotions and behaviors must go hand in hand to allow us to act, resolve and move forward.

However, we will do it in good time and in good time. Because every healing and coping process has its guidelines. The most decisive thing in all cases is not to get carried away by constant anguish and fear, by those emotions that hinder any progress.

Know how to react, survival and well-being strategy

Knowing how to react to life events requires practice and awareness. We say this for a very simple fact: there are those who react by instinct and there are those who act in a centered, responsible and courageous way. From one way of acting to the other there is a world; the first one does it as a mere defense mechanism, like someone who sees a ball coming towards their face and instead of dodging it chooses to give it a head butt in order to stop it.

On the contrary, there is the one who reacts more accurately and correctly to this danger and decides to put their hands in front to catch the ball and avoid both the blow against their face and also that it can harm others. Between one action and another a large number of processes arise, such as knowing how to use a calmer approach, applying good emotional management to avoid responding by impulses and also exercising mental flexibility, that which allows us to choose one response over others.

Malcolm Gladwell, a well-known essayist and author of successful books on human thought and intelligence, explains in his book The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (2005) that throughout his life there is a lesson that has always served him well. We do not have to react carried away by the first impressions or the impulses that we feel at a given moment before a situation. You have to breathe deeply, take time and then act.

If you allow yourself to be carried away by circumstances, “you are not thinking”

If you get carried away by the ups and downs of adversity and don’t act or react, you’re not really thinking. It is the emotions that carry you, they the ones that drag you like a leaf that blows the wind. If you allow others to decide for you in these circumstances, you are not acting or thinking, it will be the will of others that will choose in your place. And all this is neither good nor recommendable.

Knowing how to react is to resist at the beginning, look in perspective and calm down and then decide and act. It is going against the wind and seeing the difficulties face to face to know what they look like, what they want and what their weak points are.

Knowing how to react to what happens to us is to avoid acting on impulse

William James used to say that there are many people who “think they think”, but in reality they limit themselves to acting on impulse. Getting carried away by these unthinkable reactions brings out the worst in ourselves. At the end of the day, who does not think, who does not meditate, ends up making use of prejudices, of the beliefs that others instill in him and that one limits himself to assume without protesting.

Knowing how to react involves making the effort to think and reason in a relaxed way to have greater mental clarity. In our fast-paced world, full of stimuli and pressures, we hardly have time for these delicate and necessary mental processes.

Often, anxiety itself is what causes us to end up reacting on impulses, shaping unadjusted behaviors that we later regret. Knowing how to react is knowing how to respond from an interior that chooses not to be carried away by those emotions that “hijack” us at a given moment.

What I will do is connect with that emotion, understand it, reason it and give way to a more relaxed state of mind in which I can meditate on a more accurate response that benefits me. All of this requires practice, but with determination and a firm commitment to ourselves we can achieve it.