Instrumental Empathy: The Basis Of Psychological Manipulation

Instrumental empathy is that dimension that often characterizes the psychopath or narcissist. Because beyond what we may think, these profiles do identify and read our emotions. Now, once they do, they use that connection to manipulate us, to take us to their ground and reach a goal without feeling any resentment for it.

In social articulation, empathy is in the quadrant of the positive and the desirable. We forget, perhaps, that less shiny and complex reverse that this dimension presents. Thus, it is common to tell ourselves that people capable of harming others, either physically or psychologically, lack that ability to empathize with the other.

Now, studies like the one published in  Brain magazine  and carried out by doctors Harma Meffert and Valeria Gazzola, point out something that should be taken into account. The mirror system, that is, the ability to tune into the emotions of others thanks to mirror neurons  is present even in psychopaths who have committed criminal acts.

However, that connection is brief, punctual, and purpose-oriented. Therefore, they would not lack empathy; On the other hand, if there seems to be a real concern for those who suffer, since they rarely come to identify with the emotions of others. What they do seem to experience is the clear desire to instrumentalize the other.

Instrumental empathy: I feel your pain, but I don’t care

Thanks to cognitive neuroscience, we have made many discoveries in understanding human behavior. One of them is to realize, for example, that the empathic process takes place in many areas of our brain. Different skills are required to make contact with the realities of others, to know what the other feels, what they may be thinking and what we would feel in their place.

Thus, experts on the subject such as Dr. Frans de Waal, a well-known primatologist, points out that sometimes these processes can appear differently in each individual. That is, there are people (primates included) who understand the emotional reality of their peers and are motivated to do something to benefit that peer.

Instead, others identify those emotions and choose to do nothing about them. They don’t feel that need, that motivated behavior. There is also a third way. It is the one that establishes instrumental empathy and defines an individual who, being aware of the emotions of others, uses them for a purpose. There is an action and it is none other than manipulating and causing harm without charge of conscience or remorse.

Characteristics of instrumental empathy

People with instrumental empathy are often as charming as they are sibylline. They are because we come to think that the person in front of us truly cares about us. We convince ourselves that the feeling is authentic and that the behaviors they carry out are noble.

However, these behaviors have an end. These types of traits are as we say, very common in the psychopathic personality and even in narcissists. They can also appear in interested and selfish people. Let’s see, however, what its characteristics are:

• They are characterized by cognitive empathy. That is to say, they have an idea of ​​what the other person feels by looking at their behavior, expression, tone of voice … They understand but do not go in depth, they never show an affective empathy, there where they “feel” in their own skin what the other experiences.

• Christian Keysers, from the University of Groningen, tells us that people with a psychopathic profile feel emotions, however, their empathy seems to have a kind of “switch”. In other words, it is a process that comes and goes. When it appears, it does so briefly and on time, and when it does, it seeks a goal. They take information from us to know vulnerabilities and to be able to use us, manipulate us.

What can we do with someone who does not “emotionally” empathize with us?

Instrumental empathy is not comparable to emotional empathy. There is no deep connection, they are not put on our skin and there is no express desire to promote our well-being. What’s more, what they will generate in the short and long term is damage, a violation. Therefore, the question that remains on our horizon is: what to do with someone who does not connect emotionally with us?

In a study carried out in 2011 and published in the  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it  was shown that individuals with a narcissistic profile were aware that others did not have a very positive image of them. They knew that they generated mistrust. However, this did not concern them. Furthermore, it was no reason to promote any change in them.

Therefore, we are facing personality profiles where we not only identify an absence of authentic emotional connection. But in addition, they do not care about causing harm or worry about the negative attribution that we have of their person. They are highly pathological figures where many other psychological disorders are often constellated. Therefore, they will seldom take the step to seek or accept professional help to generate change.

Randall Salekin of the University of Alabama, an expert in psychopathic personality, is currently conducting mental “remodeling” programs to address these issues. The aim is very ambitious: to get authentic emotional empathy to be activated in this sector of the population.

For our part, if we intuit someone who applies instrumental empathy, the most appropriate thing to do will always be to establish an adequate distance . A personal safety barrier.