How To Recover From Emotional Abuse

Recovering from emotional abuse involves first and foremost having to process a traumatic experience that has undermined our self-esteem. To do this, let’s avoid blaming ourselves, because the mistake is never in who trusts, in who gives everything for that relationship. The “crime” is in the one who lies, in the narcissistic and insane person who works through manipulation, blackmail and psychological abuse.

If we stress the importance of not assuming all responsibility or guilt for what has happened, it is due to a very specific fact. When a person finally manages to leave a relationship of this caliber, it is very common for both herself and a member of her environment to think that of “ but how come she has not left her partner before? How is it possible that I was so blind as not to see everything that was happening? “

Its not that easy. Emotional abuse is not easy to unmask because its mechanisms are sometimes very subtle, as well as sophisticated. To this we must add another ingredient, no less important: love. Because we cannot forget that whoever loves is stubborn, confident and committed. Hence, these mechanisms are not seen with the naked eye and if they are perceived, if they are noticed, the brain applies very complex strategies to dissuade doubts, to hide a dense fog that prevents clearly seeing what is happening.

Until we finally do it, in the end one is fully aware of what is happening because sooner or later, when we look in the mirror, we no longer recognize ourselves. The person reflected in the glass is little more than a shadow of who we were before …

Recovering from emotional abuse, a situation that not everyone achieves

The cycle of emotional abuse often works like an addiction. There is a reward-punishment flow that we get caught up in. Instantly they give us an inordinate attention, the most incredible of affections, they are detailed and passionate, but soon the demand, the coldness, the humiliation and the reproach that causes injury appear.

Good treatment is linked to mistreatment in an endless chain where we install ourselves as one more piece of that machinery that the abuser controls. Leaving this dynamic, freeing ourselves from it is not easy at all. Furthermore, we do not believe that by achieving this, by ending that relationship, we have put an end to suffering.

Many of the people, men and women, who finally leave an abusive relationship innocently assume that with that brave step it is all over. They think that after that decision, everything will be better, that after hitting rock bottom now everything will rise rapidly and that the recovery will be immediate. However, this is not the case. 

Symptoms that you haven’t gotten over your abusive relationship

• Feelings of guilt We focused on ourselves a certain anger for not having seen him before, for having wasted so much time on someone who was hurting us.

• Guilt is mixed with anger. We accumulate so much frustration and anger that we sometimes project this feeling onto others at some point.
• We become suspicious.
• We can go through times of great hyperactivity, we want to do many things, get involved in various projects, but soon we feel exhausted, lacking energy.
• Our self-image, the sense of self, as well as our self-esteem remain damaged, violated.
• We no longer experience positive emotions with the same intensity as before, now joy is less joyful, illusion less motivating and dreams less hopeful. We feel like anesthetized …

Keys to recovering from emotional abuse

As we pointed out at the beginning, to recover from emotional abuse it is good to re-interpret our condition as victims, so that it does not occupy all of our self-concept.  Let us put aside that feeling of guilt, along with that helplessness that in the long run will further chronify the traumatic state. The identity of the victim detracts from us and further undermines our sense of self.

Let’s see, therefore, what approaches, what strategies we should work on.

Focus, you are brave and you must take ownership of your own life

You are not a victim, you are a brave person who must recover from a traumatic past. To do this, you must focus on the present moment and take the reins. You are responsible for your own life, and responsible means “the one who knows how to respond to things”, therefore, dissuade your mind from feeling guilty and take charge of the situation, your reality.

In the face of existential anguish, calm

Recovering from emotional abuse implies, as we have said, learning to be responsible for ourselves in this new stage of our life. Now, when taking that step, it is common to feel anguish, fear, bewilderment … Faced with these feelings, the answer is “calm.”

Be calm, understand that no one is going to rush you to recover, understand and assume that all healing takes time and therefore, there is no other option than to follow your own rhythm, listen to us and accept all our emotions. Little by little we will take full control of everything that surrounds us.

Positive management of your reality

After an abusive relationship, it is common to accumulate anger, feel mistrust, have a somewhat negative image of ourselves when we feel victims of something that we should stop as soon as possible. To avoid getting caught in these states, we must apply a more positive approach to what surrounds us.

• If you feel anger, channel it, release it.
• If you feel lonely, talk to other people, support groups who have been through the same thing as you.
• If you perceive that you are not moving forward, that every attempt returns you to that starting point where there is helplessness and frustration, ask for professional help.

To recover from emotional abuse, we must make a positive management of our reality, we must apply a constructive approach where there is no lack of resources, support, openness to our environment, providing us with adequate therapies and looks that allow us to return to a meaning of the most luminous self.

We can all get out of the cycle of abuse and… we will not always do so unscathed, it is clear, but we can emerge strengthened by building an image of ourselves that is much more dignified, resistant, and valuable.