How To Know When To Claim And When To Pass Up

Aggression is one of the least understood and worst managed instincts. It has, in general, a negative connotation. However, it is part of the survival kit, which is why it is essential. One of the situations in which this appreciation dilemma comes to life is on those occasions when we must complain.

Many times the doubt arises as to whether when claiming we will be being hypersensitive with something that is not worth it, or if it is really something important that cannot be missed. It is not easy to elucidate it, since it depends on a subjective assessment that, for the same reason, often depends on our state of mind and not on objective reality.

The dilemma of claiming or not may be more relevant than it seems at first glance. When it is necessary to make a claim and it is not done, we give rise to them to pass over us. And when we complain about something that does not warrant it, we can lead to unnecessary conflict. Both events could become decisive, if they involve a situation of importance.

Tips to know when to claim

The question is: what are the criteria that we must apply to know if it is appropriate to claim, in the face of a situation that causes discomfort, discomfort or damage? The first thing that should be pointed out is something that is implicit in this question: it is not always valid to initiate a claim, be it personal or corporate.

In principle, we can affirm that claim is final when :

• A basic or fundamental right is affected. You should never be silent in this case. Not claiming under these circumstances opens a door to disrespect and lack of consideration.

• When the damage caused has effects that are not only immediate, but also condition your well-being in the medium and long term. In this case, not claiming means prolonging an adverse effect on us.
• If an agreement or a pact is violated, deliberately. If an agreement is made and it is broken, this is a valid reason to complain. It involves a change in the rules of the game. If the claim is not made, new rules are accepted, even if they are harmful to you.
• When dignity is violated. This can be verbal, physical or symbolic. In neither of these cases should it be accepted. Silence or remain inactive is equivalent to legitimizing that action.

When not to claim?

Just as there are some criteria that guide to claim, there are also others that give us clues about those situations in which the claim is unnecessary. The first of these is when someone unintentionally causes us harm, annoyance or a condition. There is no intention to harm, but due to some circumstance it ends up affecting another unintentionally. Why complain then?

Nor is it appropriate to complain when what is affected is our ego or our vanity. For example, when we are not invited to a group activity in which we were hoping to participate. Or when they don’t treat us like kings, without being treated badly either. In those cases, the annoyance is given by a narcissistic wound that we have to overcome, rather than vindicate.

One of the cases in which we should never complain is in those occasions in which we have done a favor to someone and we expect them to return it to us, without that person having committed to this. If there is no prior agreement, everyone has the right to return the favor or not. It also depends on you to do him a favor again or not.

Claiming is also an art

When it is decided that the right thing to do is to complain, it does not mean that it means starting an angry conflict. There is a conflict, because a situation has been reached in which one of the parties acts to the detriment of another. What should not be aggression or unwillingness to solve the problem.

It is always better to make any complaint when the discomfort is not on the surface. If they harm us, it causes frustration. At the same time, it gives rise to an anger that can be very fair, but that many times does not allow us to measure or manage the situation properly. That is why it is best to try to calm down before claiming.

The next thing is to clearly state your claim. Indicate which aspect is rejected and why. Indicate how it violates our rights, covenants or our internal jurisdiction. Asking or demanding an explanation and, if applicable, an apology or a claim for the harm caused. All of this can be done without getting angry. Nothing like serenity to solve these kinds of difficulties.