Heroes Also Surrender

We all have heroes around us. Our heroes are those people who have tirelessly fought cancer or any other long-term, degenerative, or deadly disease. Those people who with their sense of humor and their courage have not stopped putting a smile on the world despite adversity.

They, our heroes, have taught us all that is worth fighting for. They have taught us that the world can be a different color depending on the glass you look at it with, that true friends are always in bad times and that what is worthwhile always costs a little more.

Also, at least to me, they have taught me that there are battles that once they have their end marked it is better to stop fighting. I have been taught that being honest with yourself and your feelings is not being a coward. But, above all, they have taught me that giving up is not usually well received, although sometimes it is the most natural thing to do.

The pain of wanting to leave

When the news of the disease reached my hero could not believe it, he was in shock . Denial was his first stage of grief. The news is overwhelming and unwieldy. This stage caused him to protect himself from suffering, at least for a time.

When the medical tests followed, he began to understand his condition. He felt like a guinea pig unable to control anything around him, he only felt pain. This lack of control and this pain led to the second stage, anger. In it, he became an unapproachable, tough and uncompromising person. There was a time when it seemed that the rest of us were to blame for his pain. But I know it was his way of dealing with it.

The third stage known as negotiation passed quickly because her condition was rapidly deteriorating. Because suddenly he had a good day but he did not know how long it was going to last or if that day was really going to be his last good day and, even if he had given everything to overcome the disease, there were no changes.

Then came the depression knocking on the door with its claws because it stopped being a “if you die” to become a “when you die.” But he didn’t let the claws catch him because for the first time he stopped thinking about him to think about everyone else, the ones he was going to leave behind.

And so came the acceptance, the last phase, the inevitable. You accepted death as one more process of life, because everything has its end. The problem is that those of us who love you do not accept it because we do not put you first.

You have told us that you are not going to fight anymore, that you want to say goodbye to everyone because you don’t want us to see your deterioration, because fighting is useless. Your destiny is written, you have decided to wait for death and you ask for respect. You tell us that it hurts to leave for those you leave behind but that it hurts more to live and that this physical pain that you have in life makes death not so scary.

The selfishness of not letting you go

They say that growing up is learning to say goodbye. So I am a capricious girl full of fears who clings to you with all her might. I do not want to say goodbye to you so soon, I want to accompany you in your last days, I want you to fight with all your might to scratch a few hours away from death.

But I also know that your pain is unbearable and that I am selfish preventing you from leaving, recriminating that you have decided to give up as if that was a bad thing. I act like this because losing you will be my greatest pain, but you have taught me that it is possible to live with pain.

Don’t worry, today I have decided to enter the acceptance phase myself, I have accepted that you leave and that I am going to lose you. And do not worry, that even if I say that when you leave I will not have life because all my life is you, it is not true, it is that I am selfish and I do not want to live in a world where you are not. But I will not lose myself in sadness, I will always remember you and live happily as a tribute to you and to what you have not been able to live.

You will always be my heroes

To all those who decide to surrender I wanted to remind you that heroes do not always wear capes or have super powers. Sometimes they carry a backpack loaded with stories, dreams, friends and family that they have to leave halfway but that they will never forget.

The only way to live with meaning is not to live thinking only of the pain of others but also to assume your own pain. Assume that not all stories have a nice ending after a long journey, but sometimes they are half told. And although the story is not complete and does not have a beautiful ending, it is a story that leaves its mark.

It is a beautiful cliché of a Hollywood movie to say that the sick fight to the end, that their courage does not waver, but that is not what usually happens. The heroes also surrender and for that reason they do not stop being less heroes.