Hearts Of Steel: People Who Hide What They Feel

We are talking about those who are cold, unsympathetic, and can even seem indolent. These are people who have such a hard heart  that few emotions reach beyond their borders and transcend the layer of consciousness. We mean the hearts of steel.

To the eyes that don’t cry, to the lips that don’t usually smile, to the hands that don’t touch. To those who never abandon their role as a spectator, those who give the feeling that nothing that happens involves or matters to them. So fragile, although they appear to be so strong …

When we speak of “hearts of steel” we emphasize those who have difficulty in expressing what they feel. We show you some of its characteristics:

• Assumption.  They may come to believe that others should know how they feel. So they stop showing it.
• They can be perfectionist people. These are subjects who find it difficult to admit that they make mistakes. And showing weakness is part of it.
• Low self-esteem. It generates an inability to show feelings, because they feel so worthless that they believe that it is not worth expressing themselves.
• Afraid. These can be people who are afraid to face conflict and show their emotions.
• Catastrophic thinking. They may come to think that all is lost. So why do more?
• Unawareness These people may not know how to communicate.
• Shyness. There are people who, even feeling the desire to share what happens to them, are held back by the anxiety caused by the fact of starting to walk through a terrain they do not know.

• Protection. People with hearts of steel may be hiding what they feel to protect themselves. They use it as a defense mechanism against the possibility of being vulnerable.
• Difficulty feeling.  It consists in that they find it difficult to listen to each other, which is why it is difficult for them to determine how they are.

Each person is a world, in it is their authenticity. People with hearts of steel may have one or more of these characteristics. The common denominator of all is that they are not able to open a space for emotions.

However, the fact that they do not express emotions does not mean that they do not feel them. People with hearts of steel feel,  the problem is that they do not know or do not want to communicate it. The mechanisms by which this happens may or may not be conscious.

But how do hearts of steel work? These types of people can show themselves to others as very strong, or very distant. Then, it gives the impression that they are insensitive.

Now, there may be people who are as cold as icebergs, so much so that they do not even have compassion or generate empathy with the other. These are people with psychopathy. But, not all hearts of steel are. As we have explained before, some are like this out of shyness, fear, perfection, etc.

Manage emotions, how to do it?

It is important to learn to manage emotions. Why? In this way you are more assertive in relationships with yourself, and with others. Let’s see how to do it:

• Accept our feelings. Recognizing our emotions and accepting that we have them will help us grow and get to know ourselves better.

• Focus on self-esteem. When we recognize the value we have, we realize how important we are. This will help us to know that our emotions are too. So we can focus our attention on them when necessary to grow as people and improve our relationships.
• Release.  Sometimes, when shyness rules us, we lock ourselves in a jail and throw away the key because of the anxiety that the encounter with the other causes us.
• Face fears. We may be afraid, but it is important that apart from recognizing it, we understand why it arises and we let it out. Thus, it will be easier to express what we feel. Also, if we put aside what they will say or our assumptions about how others will react or how they should do it, it will be easier to live authentic moments and express ourselves without pressure.

• Try expressing your emotions. When we go a good part of our lives without showing what we feel, making it seem like a very difficult matter. Thus, to smooth the slope, we can start doing it with understanding people very close to us, this will facilitate the task.
• Self-knowledge. If we know how we are, it will be easier to identify our emotions and express them in an assertive way.

Emotions are a whole world. Managing them is not a simple matter, however, neither is it an impossible challenge. The essential thing is to recognize them, live them, know how to express them and what are the right moments for it.

We are not all the same, so each one expresses them in a way; Although at first it may seem innocent, this accumulation of feelings can overwhelm us.

Benefits of putting aside “hearts of steel”

When we talk about putting aside the hearts of steel, we are not referring to people, but  to those rigid and cold hearts that we sometimes have. Doing so will bring us great benefits. Let’s see which ones:

• Reduce anxiety.
• Increase empathy.
• It reduces stress.
• It encourages them to know us more.
• Increase self-knowledge.
• Strengthen relationships with others and with us.
• Improve our self-esteem.
• Assertive communication is favored.

Certainly, p ara have these benefits, it is also appropriate that we have from small educational practices that make us more aware of our emotions. This is what Arís Redo suggests in his article for the  Vivat Academia Communication Magazine , in which he exposes the importance of emotional education for both teachers and students.

Although there are “hearts of steel” people, it does not mean that their hearts cannot be softened little by little. Through emotional management, they will be more assertive when it comes to expressing their emotions, and little by little they will be removing that strong armor that makes them see as insensitive.