Ending The Relationship So That The Other Reacts Is Not A Good Idea

Usually occurs. There are people who dare to end a relationship, not because they really want it to end, but because they hope that this gesture will make the other react. What they hope is that that person, faced with the imminence of the loss, finally decides to respond to their emotional needs, which until now they have ignored. It is an extreme resource that can work in the immediate, but at the same time it can imply large costs in the long term.

Manipulation and emotional blackmail are not the best way to deal with problems in the couple. Quite the contrary: they turn out to be terrible alternatives, because in the end they do not lead to the resolution of a conflict, but rather they cover it up, postpone it and, most of the time, aggravate it.

Ultimatums and false breakups are a resource of limited effectiveness. Okay: you may be able to get your partner to commit (falsely) to change in some way, so that you reverse the decision. Yet at the same time you are setting in motion a logic of conditioning and control that can turn against you at any moment.

Ending the relationship as a decoy

The ultimate purpose of ending the partner to react is none other than to put that person under our control. In that sense, it is a manipulative behavior and an emotional blackmail with the lyrics. It puts the other person “on the ropes” and is left with no real choice. In this way, he is debased and left under our power.

This is a poor resource and the worst thing is that it is only used when you are aware that the other person feels affection. Because you know she loves you, you take her to an extreme situation so that she reacts exactly the way you want her to: putting herself under your control. In other words, you put your needs above and leave the other without the ability to react.

The threat of losing you operates simply as a decoy. If the other bites the bait, what follows is a form of relationship in which manipulation has succeeded. From then on, even if you don’t want to, a logic is established in which it is valid to “play with the other”. It is no longer spontaneity, but calculation, that determines the next step. It is no longer sincerity, but tactics that define the bond that unites them.

In the worst case, what happens is that a calculation error occurs. You end up with someone to react by begging you not to do it and agreeing to do what you ask. But,  sometimes things don’t go your way and exactly the opposite happens: the other person reaffirms their value and decides to end the relationship so as not to be a victim of manipulation. Then the dangerous game can turn against you and it is you who has to back down. You go for wool and you come out shorn.

Learn to give value to your words and your actions

What many of the people who use these types of tactics forget is that with them they are not only detracting from the other, but from themselves as well. Soon others learn that what they say or do has a relative value. They are not the expression of what that person really feels or thinks, but may simply be the manifestation of some psychological game that he is playing. So the price of these manipulations and these blackmails is that of not being able to have a relationship of trust and real intimacy.

Sometimes it also happens that a relationship ends prematurely or without any underlying reasons for it. One ends so that the other reacts and the other, who does not want to be manipulated, accepts that imposed end so as not to lose their autonomy. Neither one nor the other get more profit from this.

Putting a relationship under a power logic is never a good idea. Sure you get some benefits, but you lose much more. You make that relationship lose value, that it becomes “cheap” and that, imperceptibly, it ceases to be a bond that enriches your life

Thus, the union becomes an element that generates anxiety and pain, something that subtracts and does not add. When there is this type of manipulation and blackmail, sooner or later the roles are exchanged and a chain of episodes is inaugurated in which the two behave more like rivals or enemies, than as a couple.

Relationship conflicts hurt and scare, especially when they are serious. But the only way to solve them is by looking at them head-on and looking for a healthy way to address them. Communication is always an excellent option. Talking from the most authentic of the heart fosters understanding.

If not, it is probably because, in truth, it is a relationship that has no opportunity to grow. There it is worth finishing, with no other purpose than to improve life for both of us.