Between Resentment And Forgiveness: The Choice Is Up To You

Much has been said about the character of the Joker, due to the latest Todd Phillips movie. The film shows us the life of Arthur Fleck, who had to deal with great difficulties:

• Relatives: growing up with the absence of a father and the presence of a mother who felt that she did not protect him and did not believe in him.
• Social: the ridicule of those who considered him “a nobody”.
• Personal: fighting for his great dream, being a comedian, which never came to pass.

Around these circumstances, little by little, the Joker was built : a wounded person influenced by everything he had experienced to the point of undermining his mental health.

It is true, we are all immersed in a family and social context that influences us, but that does not always have to condition us to live in a certain way. Sometimes we are free to decide.

Next, we offer a possible psychological interpretation of the character of the Joker, from which we will explain certain mechanisms and strategies that many people carry out in an attempt to protect themselves from suffering and what ways we can choose to get to heal ourselves. Let’s go deeper.

How do we tell each other about our lives?

In this sense, it is the most cognitive psychological theories that maintain that we are in language, that is, we are what we tell ourselves and tell ourselves.

The constructivist approach maintains the idea that the human being is not only the result of its context, but that its internal dispositions also count. In this way, the person performs his own reconstruction of reality from the interaction of both factors. 

Thus, the constructivist model indicates that we tend to construct reality according to our own personal assumptions. In this way, the person who observes is the one who decides how to signify the reality they encounter. Therefore, following this approach, it is not reality that makes us suffer, but the meanings that we decide to give it.

From this perspective, we can say that the character of the Joker was building through different internal attributions the belief that reality surpassed him and he could not do anything to change it.

A phenomenon that the psychologist Martin Seligman called learned helplessness: that condition in which one continues to respond in the same way to a situation, while the person convinces himself that he has already done everything possible and that he does what he does. You will not be able to change the circumstances that cause you difficulty.

When we don’t connect with our emotional world

Together with all those attributions and constructions about himself, the character of the Joker also took its affective part; for a long time he mismanaged his emotions and feelings, being unable to elaborate or share them.

One of the possible interpretations of the Joker’s behavior is that to  alleviate his emotional suffering, he used his defense mechanism to perfection: that laugh – out of the ordinary laughter and that distanced him from experiencing the emotions and feelings that caused him discomfort . In this way, they became entrenched inside him, which led to a disconnection from himself and from others, as his feelings of bitterness and frustration were projected onto those who, according to him, had hurt him.

Now, at what point did the disconnect begin? When did you allow yourself to be defeated and entered this process of victimization as a result of your wounds?

According to the victimization mechanism, every victim looks for a culprit. Was that what the Joker intended?

However, despite being a fictional character, it is not very different from some real characters that have existed throughout history or from those that we can also find in our day to day life. Who says that we cannot fall into that victimhood due to mistakes and pitfalls of life?

The path of forgiveness

It is necessary to know the stories and biographies of the people who suffer. Only then can we understand them. Hence, empathy is one of the fundamental tools for our relationships.

However, it is also advisable to help them make a personal elaboration of their circumstances in which they do not play the role of victims as the protagonist, but rather the ability to take charge of their own lives.

There are stories of other people who, under similar conditions and after a process of personal development, chose a more favorable option for their mental health: forgiveness.

Among them, we can highlight the experience of Tim Guenard, one of the fathers of resilience, who in his book Stronger than hate , tells us about the simplicity and sincerity of his story: a life marked by pain, abuse and violence.

However, the opportunity to elaborate his story and heal his wounds, allowed him to change his gaze to his past and live far from anger and resentment.

To this day, Tim Guenard goes wherever he is called to narrate his experience and show the world that ” man is free to alter his destiny “. In addition, it also does a great job providing accommodation and support to those most in need.

It is true that a wounded heart finds it difficult to forgive and love again, in fact opting for forgiveness does not happen overnight, despite the fact that it starts from a decision. Its elaboration is a process and, as such, it can become an attitude towards life. However, it is also true that on that path it is necessary for someone to show that there is that opportunity to get up and regain confidence in oneself and others.

Tim Guenard stated in one of his interviews: “ In real life, when you listen to people who have gotten up after going through difficult situations, you realize that nobody gets up alone. I myself have had people in my path: the homeless man who taught me to read, Papa Gaby (her adoptive father from state social services), the good judge, and Father Thomas. They are all like gifts. The most beautiful gift in life are the people that one has loved and loves; and it takes a lifetime to know them ”.

As we see, we are not determined by what happens to us and by what we live. We are the ones who decide how to tell us and process it within ourselves.

We cannot change reality, but we can change the vision we have of it. It is up to us to decide what to choose in life; Either because of resentment or forgiveness, but without forgetting that the choice is ours and knowing that the heart is made to love. Thus, giving us an opportunity to restore it is a challenge that leads us to live in peace.

*** Editorial note: the interpretation of the character of Joker in this article has been taken only as an example to explain the capacity for resilience and forgiveness that we can adopt from the perspective of the author of the article.