Being Different: Necessity, Cross Or Virtue?

Each of us is unique and unrepeatable. No two personalities are the same. We all have a different way of feeling, acting, thinking, and making decisions. A combination of genetic and environmental variables – our past history, our experiences and the context, among others – determine our way of being. What does it mean to you to be different?

Being different can be perceived as positive or negative depending on the moment of life and the moment of development in which we find ourselves.

Despite being, there are times in life when we will strive to resemble others as much as possible. However, there will be other times when differentiating yourself from the rest is crucial for proper psychic development. And you, do you consider yourself different? In what? Do you like to be or do you consider it important?

Being different: a necessity since we are babies

On the one hand, the psychologist Margaret Mahler developed a model of developmental stages. After the symbiotic phase, in which the child is not yet able to understand himself as a being different from his mother, he goes on to the separation-individuation phase. This phase is decisive for the acquisition of one’s identity, to understand oneself as being unique.

In this phase, two processes take place (the ones that give name to this phase of development). The separation is the process by which the child reaches the intrapsychic distinction with the mother, while the process of individuation is the feeling of being, from which the child assumes its own individual characteristics.

On the other hand, René Spitz describes the organizers of the child’s psyche: the smile, the anguish before the stranger and the “no”. The “no” of the dreaded 2 years. As annoying as this stage of constant opposition may be, it is a necessary stage for their maturation and development.

This constant denial is due to the fact that the child has begun to identify himself as being different and independent. It is necessary so that the child can begin to have consciousness as an individual being. In a way, this also happens in adolescents.

In adolescence, being different can be a cross

Adolescence is a vital time in which we pay special attention to equals. The measure appears to the difference not accepted or discriminated. It is a stage in which fitting into the group is one of the main motivations ; As a rule, it greatly influences how the adolescent forms his self-concept.

Despite this, teens constantly live with the illusion that they are unique. It is what is known as a personal fable. David Elkind described this process as the adolescent’s feeling of being unique or different from others. This leads to the belief that their thoughts and beliefs are different from everyone else.

Elkind described another phenomenon that may also be related to the importance given to not being or being different. It is the imaginary audience, which is an intense concern for the image that is projected to others, the image that others have of him. They have the perception that they are constantly being watched by others.

Faced with the feeling of being the focus of a constant analysis, it is expected that many of them, especially those who have low self-esteem or a poor self-concept, do everything possible to go unnoticed, because they are common, because they are not different. since being it can be perceived in a negative way and lead to rejection behaviors on the part of their peers.

Neither need nor cross… it is a great virtue!

Sometimes when we are young, we also feel the need to be different, and thank goodness! Showing that particular part of the identity that is being formed  is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others, as it is the greatest display of sincerity. In addition, it increases creativity and facilitates decision-making.

Being different allows you to appreciate diversity more and adapt to it. It makes you more flexible and open.

Defending your own ideas, even if they are different from those of the rest, allows you to grow and develop being faithful to your principles and with a very strong self-esteem and self-confidence. Being unique is a gift and as such we should learn to appreciate it. It is one of the greatest virtues that a person can have.