Accepting Is Not Settling

Many times we tend to suffer excessively from situations that are not at all under our control and sometimes, we have a worse time due to our own resistance to accept what happened, than due to the negative event itself.

It is true that emotions are extremely necessary and that it is not advisable to repress them. Sadness helps us to regain balance after a loss and inform others that we are in a bad way, anxiety helps us to protect ourselves from certain threats and dangers, disgust keeps us from catching a disease, etc …

Emotions, when they are adaptive and consistent with the situation we are experiencing, are very necessary and help us to survive. The problem comes when the emotion has stopped performing its function and turns against us, as if we tripped ourselves and let the emotions become our own enemies.

As we know, the fact of feeling good or feeling bad is determined by our way of approaching the facts. As Buddha said: pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You can decide how much and how you want to suffer and for this, one of the maxims that you have to internalize is that the world is uncertain and that we have control in very few things, but this is part of the game.

Are we conformists?

Not at all. As the title of this article says: to accept is not to conform. Many people think that if they do not complain enough, if they do not cry and kick what they should or if they do not get angry with the world when something goes wrong, it is that they are conforming and that is weak and is, rather, reverse.

Weak is spending our energy and our precious time – irretrievable, in fact – on something that is not under our control and that we cannot change. I insist that emotions matter, and a lot, but up to a certain limit beyond which they become useless.

Having wishes, goals, exciting projects and dreams is essential and very important to be happy and find meaning in our lives. We must not settle if we do not like something, we must try to change it. Like if we want to have something highly appreciated, we have to go for it and if we can, get it and enjoy it.

Therefore, we are not talking about conformity here. If I want something, I have to go for it and have a good time trying, but the really important thing is to understand that no matter how much I fight for something, it may happen that in the end it turns out badly, due to factors that are not under my control and This is where the concept of acceptance comes in.

Life is not perfect

And that? It is not, has not been and never will be. This is what you have to accept. Accepting means understanding that sometimes things are in my favor and other times they are not, and that is something normal, it is part of life and it is also fine, because if everything were perfect, we would never value the fact that things are us favorable.

Therefore, it is very important to say to yourself: I will try to make things go well for me and I will put all my strength into it, but if it does not come out, bad luck, there are things that do not depend on me and I will not be unnerved by it more than necessary. Other doors will open.

And it is not enough to repeat it like a parrot, you have to believe what you say because it is the only reality. You will find a thousand stones on the way and you better accept as soon as possible that this will be so. Accepting will save you a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Learning to accept …

• The world is not always the way you want it to be: no matter how angry, sad, or anxious it makes you, things don’t always go your way. If you accept it, your emotional state will be calmer and calmer and will allow you to see the situation from a solution-seeking perspective. You will not let emotion dominate you and cloud your view.
• People do not act according to your expectations:  each one is an individual human being with their own mindset who can do whatever they want. Abandon expectations of others, do not expect anything, just let people surprise you with their actions and enjoy what they can offer you.

• Human beings make mistakes, so do you:  try to repair your mistakes and try to make others do it too, but do not condemn others or condemn yourself for failing, because erring is also part of the game and thanks to that, We end up being good at many things.

Accepting is realizing that everything is fine as it is and what has to happen will simply happen, but as long as we have room to change or act, we can do it and improve the situation from a serene, loving and focused attitude on the present.