7 Strategies To Increase Your Self-esteem

Self-esteem does not mean anything other than accepting oneself as it is, with its defects and virtues and also unconditionally loving who we are. How many times do we condemn ourselves or crush ourselves for a small mistake, for not being perfect! It is difficult for us to understand and internalize that there is nothing more human than failing.

From a very young age we are instilled with the idea that to err is bad and that we have to fight to be better in everything: physically, at work, being a good friend, a good son, a good father, having successes and achievements, having money …

But how can this be true? Why is one human being worth more than another because he is more physically attractive or has more money in his wallet? What does intrinsic value have to do with possessions? And the day that you are no longer handsome? Will you stop having that courage you had when you were young?

If we ask ourselves these questions, we will see that it is absurd, nonsense. We cannot conclude that someone is more or less valuable because he owns more or less. A fruit basket does not lose its value because one of the fruits has a brown spot.

This is easy to understand on paper, but in real life our self-esteem plummets when we perceive a crack, no matter how small, in a vital area or in several. So that this does not happen so easily, it is convenient to learn certain strategies that will help us to accept ourselves unconditionally and to love ourselves more.

Be realistic in your thinking

It is good to do self-criticism when we have made a mistake or have a defect, so we learn for the future, but something quite different is the self-check. This not only does not make us learn, but also blocks us and makes us engage in avoidance behaviors.

Stop telling yourself that you are a worm because you have a few extra kilos, that is going too global. Sure you have many other attractive features but you don’t see them. Find the solution to what you don’t like and ignore that inner critic.

Don’t put all your eggs in the same basket

In this life we ​​play countless roles: we are workers, students, children, parents, siblings, cousins, friends, partner, masters of our pets, etc. We can also describe ourselves taking into account countless characteristics: handsome, tall, short, fat, skinny, friendly, angry, rich, intelligent, etc.

The problem is that many times we base our self-esteem on a single area or characteristic, for example: if I am not a good professional in what I have studied, it is that I am worth absolutely nothing as a person and everything else I have done does not count. It is important to learn to separate our results from our actions with our personal worth. The fact that we err at times or that we do not know we are particularly good at some tasks, has nothing to do with our worth.

Take risks

We tend to avoid what can fracture our self-esteem, lest it “turn out badly”, that “I feel inferior” or that “I am not capable”. What we do following this thread is to grant an inordinate importance to our defect or our lack, when the reality is that it is normal to have defects and shortcomings, if not, we would be from another planet. Start exposing yourself to everything that you have been avoiding to protect your self-esteem.

Ditch the labels

A common thinking mistake is labeling. We label when we speak of others with the verb “to be”. Juan is a doctor, Paula is a  housewife and Ana  is clumsy. This is a lie because Ana may be clumsy at some things, for example swimming, but she sure is powerfully useful in her work as a hairdresser, which is why she is not as clumsy as we have labeled before.

Labels help us to categorize what surrounds us, however, the mistake is to cling to them. A label is variable and depends on the context. Ana’s example is very illustrative. When something is given to us in a field, we usually transfer it to others. If we make a mistake at work, we tend to think that we are not worth enough. The ideal would be not to use the labels, and if we do, as great care. It is much healthier to think that some things are better for us and others are worse.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Go your own way and if you don’t like something about yourself, try to fix it. Comparing with others will not help you solve your problem, it will make it fatter. Remember that you are not worth less or more than the person you are comparing yourself to, you only have different characteristics.

The only comparison allowed is one that inspires us: “if he could, me too. ” Buddhist teachers say that inspiring comparisons are welcome. As long as they do not cause us discomfort. On many occasions, taking someone as a reference to inspire us is appropriate to undertake a project. Of course, without losing our essence, our personal stamp. The Beatles were inspired by musicians of the time and the result is well known.

Find a roof

The human being is, at times, very ambitious. He is successful, but he is not worth it, he needs more success and if he is handsome, to be even more handsome, there is never a ceiling to say stop! I am satisfied with what I am and what I have! I do not need more!

This sometimes leads to self-fulfilling prophecy: since I think I am very ugly, although everyone tells me I am not, I undergo multiple cosmetic surgery operations, but I am never satisfied. In the end, after so many operations I end up with a somewhat strange physique, confirming my belief that I am ugly. So it is convenient to set a ceiling, a limit where you can stop at times.

Dedicate yourself to love, thank and appreciate

In reality, the physical, the possessions, the successes are only valuable to some people a little confused, empty, with a very wrong scale of values. That will always exist, but we do not have to pay attention to them.

For most people, what is really valuable is love, a smile, gestures and kind words. This is what really connects us. When we are heartily grateful for what we have, we learn to value what surrounds us and the immense fortune we have in our lives. Giving thanks for having something as basic as a roof, a bed, a shower, and food every day will make us realize how lucky we are.